The few of you who actually know me, may know that I’ve been exploring a dark part of myself for a while.  It has been difficult to persevere with starting a company during this time, but I think I have managed it.  I’ve been learning new skills by the dozen, but not mastering any of them.  I’ve also been reaching out and increasing my network.  It has been rewarding, but has taken way longer than I thought it would.  I have less than zero money and personally owe quite a bit from my past (credit, student loans, and personal debt with my ex).  I intend to pay back my debts, as I always have.  I have been living on next to nothing at a relative’s house, while making payments to my creditors.  My office is my bedroom and I’m getting tired of living so small.  I’m sure things could be much worse and I am grateful for everything I have, but it’s time to make some strides.

Over the weekend I did some volunteer work with a group of 15-20 year-olds.  My sister is the head of a company that delivers personal growth programs, which I highly recommend to anyone who wants to learn more about themselves.  The best thing besides helping others grow is the refresher I got out of it.  I got to see how I was being ineffective and the story I was telling myself to keep those habits around.  This might not mean much to some, but my driving needs are:

• Intensity
• Independence
• Intimacy
• Power

If you’ve communicated with me or read my poetry you might understand how this is true for me.  I love ridiculously.  I commit without hesitation.  I suck at small talk and try to find the root of things.  I am open, but very sure of myself (ie a little stubborn). I am bluntly honest and I enjoy working with small teams and tend to disappear in crowds.  I also tend to jump into my imagination to explore the future more than actually creating it.  My dreaming has incredible value to me, but needs to be harnessed, so that we can do more of the productive work.  I have found my purpose, but I am scared.  I’m scared of succeeding, of becoming “famous”, and living an “exposed” life.  However, I am increasingly tired of failing to produce and I know what I need to overcome this.  I need partners.

I need life partners who will support me and share a vision of peace.  I need business partners who have the networks I lack to finance and lead the project.  I need technical partners to help me stay focused and busy with the details of creating the user experience I know we can deliver.  I need artistic partners to make it look and feel amazing, so that it sells like wildfire.  I need help.  I need a great deal of help.  I am asking you for it.  If you can see a place in this story that excites you, I want to hear from you.  If you dig my companies core values: Peace, Freedom, and Fun, I want to hear from you.  If you think I’m crazy, delusional, or a tyrannical maniac, I want to hear from you.  If you have a friend who works the web in any manner who wants to change the world in a big way, I want you to share my website with them.  I know how to listen very well.  I may not always know what to do with what you tell me, but I want to hear you.

The one thing I hear loud and clear is that humanities greatest values are not on top. There is a group of us that have selective hearing and are in denial about the source and solution to our collective problems and somehow they seem to be in charge.  This is changing, especially as our voices combine to expose their denials!  I hope to facilitate this change and birth a new golden age for all life on this planet.  Then we can engage and participate in a civilization that puts it’s best and brightest values at the forefront.  One where we can dance with the shadows, rather than denying them.

Thanks for reading!

personal growth by jazzmann91; Encouraging you to Question Everything.