I want to quote Deepak Chopra from his book (The Return of Merlin) but don’t have it nearby.  I’ll paraphrase the important line.  A wizard walks backwards through time, seeing all that has come before and knowing that it will all come again.  If this sounds confusing, don’t worry, I don’t think it can be figured out, but it has a deep meaning to me about how I understand the world.

In November 2008 my love led me to lead.  I threw a two day event: a silent art auction and dance party to raise money for Amnesty International and raise awareness of Human Trafficking. I half-assededly tried to involve my partner in the event, because we always had a perception of us not “working” together that I wanted to overcome.  It didn’t work and I ended up doing it all my way.  She tried to help throughout the process, but she couldn’t stop me from stubbornly failing.  Thanks for supporting me, even though it was stressful and embarrassing.

I had never run anything before, and it was a huge learning experience for me.  It was a marketing and financial failure, but it was also an inspirational success.  That day my best friend Aaron had his first live art show with his newest tools and now his career is taking off.  His contribution was huge and I thank him and am glad to have showcased his work.  I showed the works of local artists and their contributions were amazing too.  My friends Nikki and Kate sold their first paintings, and my friends Tim and Sheldon spun great sets to a mostly empty dance floor.  By the time my headliner, DJ Nima Saeedi from Vancouver, arrived to play his first out-of-town set, there were at most 12 people in the 300 capacity bar and I was on the street embarrassed beyond belief that I had not produced the one most important thing an event needs.  A crowd.

I’ll never forget his words to me after the evening was over.  He told me to have courage and never give up and that he had had a great time.  My friend Tim, who hadn’t spun in a while, was reinspired to dive into his music and is now on the verge of producing some wicked tracks.  It also led Tim and Sheldon to collaborate on their passion, which has helped them both progress.  So I lost some money, and threw a flop.  It was the best dang flop I could have done to have brought so much inspiration to a few close friends.

This is what a wizard does, he loves without thought of himself and inspires the people around him to reach for more even when he falls on his face.

Now I’ve done it again.  I’ve failed the love of my life and we have reverted to friendship, because I continued to embrace my failures, rather than see and face the fears that caused them.   I didn’t know how to reach out into the world and ask for the help I need and I still don’t.  I’m afraid to be loved and this fear, along with my fear of success, has been revealed to me in all its gory detail.  I am embracing it now and love is remaking me.  I hope when it is finished I’ll finally be more than just good at failing and that my next chance to inspire people will be a huge success for everyone, including me.

Thanks for reading!

DJ Emit

DJ Nima Saeedi making us move!

my failures are inspirational by jazzmann91; Encouraging you to Question Everything.